San Francisco Struggles to Keep Up With Gun Returns by Gang Members
Written by Jeremy Robb
Wednesday, November 23, 2005

SAN FRANCISCO, California --- After San Francisco voters banned guns in the most recent election, city officials say they are struggling to keep up with the massive amount of guns being voluntarily turned over by gang members and other criminals.
"When I proposed this ballot initiative, I knew we'd rid the city of guns," said Supervisor Chris Daly. "I guess I wasn't prepared for the massive turnout by local gang members so eager to give us their guns. We're having to take away from resources in our pot farming initiative that passed in the last election in order to handle all of these guns."
Gang members were lined up for several blocks outside of a San Francisco police station in order to turn over their guns. "It's the right thing to do, yo," said a gangbanger known as Fizzle. "Da peeps in Frisco said no to guns, so we got no choice but to hand over that shizat. Now I gots to go be an organic farmer or some shit like dat. It ain't right. I stole this .45 two years ago, and now I have to give it to the police. It just ain't right."
The gun ban is so effective that police are reporting gang members and violent criminals from as far away as Bakersfield lining up to turn over their illegal and stolen firearms. "I've never seen anything like it," said one officer. "We've been talking about turning over our own guns, because we won't even need them any more. This is exactly what we thought would happen, and it's just so amazing to see it actually coming to fruition."

About the Writer: Jeremy Robb is a San Francisco resident and satirist who notes that he is on a "one man's jihad against liberalism." He is the editor of the "Jerhad!com Newsletter" and his website is at http://www.jerhad.com. Jeremy receives e-mail at jeremy@jerhad.com.